If I had words to explain how awesome it is to let go of those things I cannot control... WOW.
Before beginning my recovery I was consumed with worry. I tried to mentor and control everyone around me. Actually, I believe I was trying to be everyone savior ...? I consider myself an intelligent person and I believe I know much more about life and life's issues then most. I can honestly say that. However, I rarely take the advice I give to so many people. Leading by example WAS something I did not do. A person has to be seriously insane to know so much about life but go against all common sense anyway! That was me. Insane.
The good news now.... ;) I lead by example. NO I am not perfect. I'm far from it. But the difference now is that I don't expect myself to ever be perfect. What I do expect is that I be absolutely happy with my life and myself.
I decided that a big part of taking care of myself in my recovery is to take the advice of my 12 steps and my serenity prayer and let go of those things that I cannot control. When I first started the program, the steps did not seem as life changing as they truly are. It wasn't until I started dealing with my mother and her using that I realized I might have to take my emotional recovery seriously. I found myself angry and frustrated to the point of needing to be physically harmful to the people enabling her. Before my recovery, I wouldn't have thought twice about involving myself in someones business in that way. I always thought I was protecting the people I love by being so involved. It was truly an innocent thing that was extremely unhealthy for me and those around me, I'm sure.
So anyway ... I had to pull myself back and leave my mothers fate to God or whoever could make her better without me driving myself nuts. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to continue being happy in my recovery and my life so that I could lead by example for once! About 4 days ago, my mother decided it was time for her to begin her withdrawals. Two days in, she decided to tell me what was going on and I was shocked because I never truly thought she would take that step. But after I let go and allowed her to take her own steps I guess there wasn't anymore pressure? I should have known better because I'm an addict as well and I know what it feels like to have people breathing down my neck about my problems. But thank God I stopped myself before I really turned anyone off.
OK so I'm going to stop rambling now and come back later in the week for some more blog therapy. Hopefully by then things will still be going well with my mother. And just to reiterate, Letting go is amazing. I can't consume myself with Other peoples' decisions and lifestyles. I don't control them. I can only express my love for the people in my life. There's nothing wrong with giving advice but it's also OK to be a little selfish. There's a good selfish and a bad selfish. Be a good selfish. Take care of yourself and your needs before you try to care for someone else. You're no good to anyone when you're miserable, depressed, tired, lonely, and so on. The best way to lead someone to a life of sobriety or simply to a happier, more fulfilling life is to lead by example. Let everyone around you see how beautiful it can be to take care of yourself spiritually, emotionally and physically. Eventually, people will want what you have. And that's one of the amazing paybacks in recovery. When someone in crisis tells you that they are changing their lives because they want what you have and they want to be like you... What's better than that? What's better than truly helping someone else and not being resented for it because you're all in the business?? ;)
Incredible. If you're reading this and are unsure about how to help someone you love, maybe try laying off a little on the advice and involvement and stick to positive example and expression of love and you may be surprised at what that does. If you are reading this and you're feeling frustrated to the point that you want to fight someone or cuss someone out to hurt them ... please think twice about that. There is no fulfillment in hurting someone deliberately. There's nothing productive that will ever come out of hurting someone physically or emotionally. It took me years to learn that and, although pride suffers a little when you decide not to knock somebody out (hehe), it is worth it in the end because you can be proud of yourself for the right reasons ya know? Anyone reading this ... do the right things for yourself. Bring something good to life and dismiss the negative. Be different and change what you can while letting that which you cannot change suck it! (haha ;)
P.S. You don't have to be an addict to need that serenity prayer... it works for everyone.
I'm Stephanie and I'm an addict. ;)
Before beginning my recovery I was consumed with worry. I tried to mentor and control everyone around me. Actually, I believe I was trying to be everyone savior ...? I consider myself an intelligent person and I believe I know much more about life and life's issues then most. I can honestly say that. However, I rarely take the advice I give to so many people. Leading by example WAS something I did not do. A person has to be seriously insane to know so much about life but go against all common sense anyway! That was me. Insane.
The good news now.... ;) I lead by example. NO I am not perfect. I'm far from it. But the difference now is that I don't expect myself to ever be perfect. What I do expect is that I be absolutely happy with my life and myself.
I decided that a big part of taking care of myself in my recovery is to take the advice of my 12 steps and my serenity prayer and let go of those things that I cannot control. When I first started the program, the steps did not seem as life changing as they truly are. It wasn't until I started dealing with my mother and her using that I realized I might have to take my emotional recovery seriously. I found myself angry and frustrated to the point of needing to be physically harmful to the people enabling her. Before my recovery, I wouldn't have thought twice about involving myself in someones business in that way. I always thought I was protecting the people I love by being so involved. It was truly an innocent thing that was extremely unhealthy for me and those around me, I'm sure.
So anyway ... I had to pull myself back and leave my mothers fate to God or whoever could make her better without me driving myself nuts. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to continue being happy in my recovery and my life so that I could lead by example for once! About 4 days ago, my mother decided it was time for her to begin her withdrawals. Two days in, she decided to tell me what was going on and I was shocked because I never truly thought she would take that step. But after I let go and allowed her to take her own steps I guess there wasn't anymore pressure? I should have known better because I'm an addict as well and I know what it feels like to have people breathing down my neck about my problems. But thank God I stopped myself before I really turned anyone off.
OK so I'm going to stop rambling now and come back later in the week for some more blog therapy. Hopefully by then things will still be going well with my mother. And just to reiterate, Letting go is amazing. I can't consume myself with Other peoples' decisions and lifestyles. I don't control them. I can only express my love for the people in my life. There's nothing wrong with giving advice but it's also OK to be a little selfish. There's a good selfish and a bad selfish. Be a good selfish. Take care of yourself and your needs before you try to care for someone else. You're no good to anyone when you're miserable, depressed, tired, lonely, and so on. The best way to lead someone to a life of sobriety or simply to a happier, more fulfilling life is to lead by example. Let everyone around you see how beautiful it can be to take care of yourself spiritually, emotionally and physically. Eventually, people will want what you have. And that's one of the amazing paybacks in recovery. When someone in crisis tells you that they are changing their lives because they want what you have and they want to be like you... What's better than that? What's better than truly helping someone else and not being resented for it because you're all in the business?? ;)
Incredible. If you're reading this and are unsure about how to help someone you love, maybe try laying off a little on the advice and involvement and stick to positive example and expression of love and you may be surprised at what that does. If you are reading this and you're feeling frustrated to the point that you want to fight someone or cuss someone out to hurt them ... please think twice about that. There is no fulfillment in hurting someone deliberately. There's nothing productive that will ever come out of hurting someone physically or emotionally. It took me years to learn that and, although pride suffers a little when you decide not to knock somebody out (hehe), it is worth it in the end because you can be proud of yourself for the right reasons ya know? Anyone reading this ... do the right things for yourself. Bring something good to life and dismiss the negative. Be different and change what you can while letting that which you cannot change suck it! (haha ;)
P.S. You don't have to be an addict to need that serenity prayer... it works for everyone.
I'm Stephanie and I'm an addict. ;)
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